I’ve always been really great with the men in my life.

I’ve always been really great with the men in my life.

I’m in this episode of Uh, Hey Dude starring Tracy Meyer, Betsy Sodaro, and Joe Wengert! Created and written by Howie Kremer and directed by Maureen Bharoocha!

You will learn that sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, HURT. That you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do. That there is such a thing as raw, unalloyed, agendaless kindness. That it is possible to fall asleep during an anxiety attack.
David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest (via avvfvl)
I guess I’ll just post this again and every year forever 🇺🇸

I guess I’ll just post this again and every year forever 🇺🇸

Click on the link to watch me on CCTV!


Hashtag Daytona


Hashtag Daytona

Tune in to @fullframecctv this Saturday June 28th @ 8pm EDT to learn what @iansomerhalder  @deepakchopra @andresamadorarts @charstarlene @tarabrown are doing to make the world a better place

Tune in to @fullframecctv this Saturday June 28th @ 8pm EDT to learn what @iansomerhalder @deepakchopra @andresamadorarts @charstarlene @tarabrown are doing to make the world a better place

How do you know that you aren't still driven by seeking validation from others, but on different terms? You've pursued artistic outlets that offer recognition and the opportunity for feeling exceptional while bypassing low-wage or routine work that wouldn't allow that; while offering advice to others on doing the same you financed these pursuits through being an escort. Aren't you still telling others how to act and respond, and drawing attention to yourself, just in a different style?

I know that I am not driven by seeking validation from others, because I’ve gone through a lifetime of that, IT DOESN’T FEEL GOOD, it no longer serves me, and it is no longer my intention. The only person who can give me that feeling I seek is MYSELF. I know this now. So there’s no reason to waste my time seeking it.

I am driven by good things. Everything I pursue is driven by my desire for it. I like to create things and perform because it makes me feel good. I like to help people because it makes me feel good. I came out with my story because it made me feel good. While attention, validation, and success come along with these things, (as well as overwhelming vulnerability, occasional failures, and some hate mail,) it isn’t my main intention to “draw attention to myself.”

Yes, being an artist draws attention. Being a performer, a writer, a tweeter, or a viral video creator — we get large numbers of people to look at us and our work. That is part of the process. It comes with it.

There’s a difference in intention, though. Like, when I was 21 and I curled my hair and wore false eyelashes and red lipstick and uncomfortable high heels — that’s a dance that I was doing for other people. I thought that’s what people wanted from me. I learned that from looking around. Now, I’m 30, I’ll never wear high heels again, and sometimes, I wear lipstick…for me. I’m dancing for myself now, and I’m not looking around. But are people looking? Do people like it? Probably. But do you see how it’s different? The latter is my true self, it’s genuine and it feels really good and fulfilling, because I’m doing things for me. The former is some kind of costume and is just uncomfortable, she’s doing things for other people. But both get attention. Because that cute girl is dancing.

It only matters what I think. I have one head that I listen to all day, and it’s mine. Anything that anybody else thinks, including you, dear Anonymous, is just a reflection of their experiences that have nothing to do with me. 

As humans, seeking attention and validation is a part of the human condition. We all do it. You do it. You do it all the time. Sometimes subconsciously. You are a human being and you want to connect to other human beings. But at least with this awareness, we can keep practicing giving that to ourselves. And then the validation comes in the most beautiful ways. And validation doesn’t have to be bad, sometimes it’s just The Universe saying, “Hey. You’re doing great. Keep going.”

And by the way, I have a day job. I’m a personal assistant. It’s low-wage and routine, but I’m still “allowed” to feel exceptional. You know you’re allowed to feel exceptional no matter what you do, right?

Click on the pandas for a mixtape I made for when you’re feeling mushy chill.

Click on the pandas for a mixtape I made for when you’re feeling mushy chill.

I stumbled upon your Twitter feed through Andrew W.K a couple months ago (I scroll his and yours every morning - you guys rule) and was immediately thrilled with your deep/hilarious life commentary. I was shocked when I read your YesAllWomen post. I am also a former (sometimes still active) sex worker. Everything you said is perfect; I feel like I've been waiting to hear/read that from another woman for years. You are beautiful and perfect. Thank you.

I’ve been receiving an overwhelming amount of wonderful, supportive responses, but this one hugs my heart and soul in a way that sends me to the moon. Thank you, I get you, and thank you for getting me. You are beautiful and perfect and loved. XOXO

Your response was funny, but I am far from an "old client wearing a mustache disguise." I had an ex boyfriend who I found out was seeing prostitutes regularly and I never understood why. I go back and forth between hating the women who do this and feeling sorry for them.

I have learned to empathize for men who hire prostitutes. They are just human beings seeking love and understanding, just like me. Our actions are reflections of how we deal with our pain. I do not hate the men I’ve been with and I don’t think they’re “pathetic” because if they are, I can turn it inward and hate myself and call myself pathetic too. And I am not pathetic. We’re all sad. We’re all trying to figure it out. We’re all misguided sometimes. We all need love. Those experiences were a part of your ex-boyfriend’s path, as they were to the women involved.

Neither hating a group of people nor feeling sorry for them serves anyone, especially you. We all have our “stuff” and, though hard to believe sometimes, we are all doing our best in the moment. Whatever you recognize in other people, you hold within yourself, even if it looks different, otherwise, you wouldn’t know it. I would suggest that you use these emotions you are feeling to practice empathy, compassion, and love. It is a huge gift and opportunity for you to expand your awareness and capacity for love.

Turn it inward. You do not hate those women. You are angry at your ex-boyfriend. And you are angry at your ex-boyfriend, because you just want to be loved.

Those men just want to be loved. And those women just want to be loved.

Whenever we react negatively to something someone does or says, that is our stuff. Our stuff that has nothing to do with that person.

Ultimately, we all just want to be loved. You can feel this love you are seeking by practicing it, doing it - loving.

"Every emotion has a valuable message for us, and as we allow ourselves to feel and hold each emotion in loving awareness, our relationship with our self and everyone in our lives will become more authentic and whole."

When you were escorting, what did you think of the guys you were with? Did you hate all of them? Did you think they were pathetic? Did anyone want to date you outside of the escorting work?

Sorry but I can only picture an old client asking this question in a bad glasses and mustache disguise.

The good you find in others, is in you too.
The faults you find in others are your faults as well.
After all, to recognize something, you must know it.
The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well.
The beauty you see around you is your beauty.
The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you the person you are.
To change the world, you must change yourself.
To blame and complain will only make matters worse.
Whatever you care about, is your responsibility.
What you see in others shows you yourself.
See the best in others, and you will be your best.
Give to others, and you give to yourself.
Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful.
Admire creativity, and you will be creative.
Love, and you will be loved.
Seek to understand, and you will be understood.
Listen, and your voice will be heard.
Teach, and you will learn.
Show your best face to the mirror,
And you’ll be happy with the face looking back at you.
The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That’s the only lasting thing you can create.
Chuck Palahniuk